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Pain
Being in pain is the most common reason that people seek 
professional help. Pain may be physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual, and often, pain is experienced on more than one level.
In our culture, we tend to look for a “quick fix” and want to “get rid” of pain as quickly as possible. However, wanting to “get rid” of it creates an internal fight that may actually make the pain worse.
My approach to helping my clients deal with pain is somewhat different. Although I do want your pain to diminish and to be transformed to joy, I also know that pain is part of life.
My approach involves helping people not only to transform the pain but even more importantly, to develop coping strategies that can be used for the rest of your life to deal with pain and problems more effectively. A key element of this is understanding the relationship between pain, acceptance and gratitude.
Many enlightened teachers talk about pain as a teacher and what can be learned from pain. Following are some excerpts and insights on pain, sorrow, joy, acceptance and gratitude.
“Be grateful to everyone” is about making peace with the aspects of ourselves that we have rejected. Through doing that, we also make peace with the people we dislike. More to the point, being around people we dislike can be a catalyst for making friends with ourselves.
If we were to make a list of people we don’t like – people we find obnoxious, threatening, or worthy of contempt – we would discover much about those aspects of ourselves that we can’t face. If we were to come up with one word about each of the troublemakers in our lives, we would find ourselves with a list of descriptions of our own rejected qualities. We project these onto the outside world. The people who repel us unwittingly show us aspects of ourselves that we find unacceptable, which otherwise
we can’t see. Traditional lojong teachings say it another way: other people trigger the karma that we haven’t worked out. They mirror us and give us a chance to befriend all of the ancient stuff that we carry around like a backpack full of granite boulders.
“Be grateful to everyone” is a way of saying that we can learn from any situation, especially if we practice this slogan with awareness. The people and situations in our lives can remind us to catch neurosis as neurosis – to see when we’ve pulled the shades, locked the door, and crawled under the covers.
Obstacles occur at the outer and inner levels. At the outer level the sense is that something or somebody has harmed us, interfering with the harmony and peace we thought was ours. Some rascal has ruined it all. This particular sense of obstacle occurs in relationships and in many other situations; we feel disappointed, harmed, confused, and attacked in a variety of ways. People have felt this way from the beginning of time.
As for the inner level of obstacle, perhaps nothing ever really attacks us except our own confusion. Perhaps there is no solid obstacle except our own need to protect ourselves from being touched. Maybe the only enemy is that we don’t like the way reality is now and therefore wish it would go away fast. But what we find as practitioners is that nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know. Even if we run a hundred miles an hour to the other side of the continent, we find the very same problem awaiting us when we arrive. It keeps returning with new names, forms, and manifestations until we learn whatever it has to teach us: Where are we separating ourselves from reality? How are we pulling back instead of opening up? How are we closing down instead of allowing ourselves to experience fully whatever we encounter?
Is the answer to all my problems today.
When I am disturbed it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation, some fact of my life, unacceptable to me.
I can find no serenity until I accept the person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly as it is supposed to be at this moment.
Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God’s world by mistake.
Unless I accept life completely on life’s terms, I cannot be happy.
I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as what needs to be changed in me and my attitudes.
From The Big Book Of Alcoholics Anonymous
Serenity Prayer
God grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot
change, Courage to change the things that I can, And wisdom to
know the difference.
Then a woman said, Speak to us of Joy and Sorrow.
And he answered:
Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.
And how else can it be?
The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.
Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter’s oven?
And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that
was hollowed with knives?
When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.
When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.
Some of you say, “Joy is greater than sorrow,” and others say, “Nay, sorrow is the greater.”
But I say unto you, they are inseparable.
Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.
Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy.
Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced.
When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall.
professional help. Pain may be physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual, and often, pain is experienced on more than one level.In our culture, we tend to look for a “quick fix” and want to “get rid” of pain as quickly as possible. However, wanting to “get rid” of it creates an internal fight that may actually make the pain worse.
My approach to helping my clients deal with pain is somewhat different. Although I do want your pain to diminish and to be transformed to joy, I also know that pain is part of life.
My approach involves helping people not only to transform the pain but even more importantly, to develop coping strategies that can be used for the rest of your life to deal with pain and problems more effectively. A key element of this is understanding the relationship between pain, acceptance and gratitude.
Many enlightened teachers talk about pain as a teacher and what can be learned from pain. Following are some excerpts and insights on pain, sorrow, joy, acceptance and gratitude.
Slogan: “Be Grateful to Everyone”
“Be grateful to everyone” is about making peace with the aspects of ourselves that we have rejected. Through doing that, we also make peace with the people we dislike. More to the point, being around people we dislike can be a catalyst for making friends with ourselves.
If we were to make a list of people we don’t like – people we find obnoxious, threatening, or worthy of contempt – we would discover much about those aspects of ourselves that we can’t face. If we were to come up with one word about each of the troublemakers in our lives, we would find ourselves with a list of descriptions of our own rejected qualities. We project these onto the outside world. The people who repel us unwittingly show us aspects of ourselves that we find unacceptable, which otherwise
we can’t see. Traditional lojong teachings say it another way: other people trigger the karma that we haven’t worked out. They mirror us and give us a chance to befriend all of the ancient stuff that we carry around like a backpack full of granite boulders. “Be grateful to everyone” is a way of saying that we can learn from any situation, especially if we practice this slogan with awareness. The people and situations in our lives can remind us to catch neurosis as neurosis – to see when we’ve pulled the shades, locked the door, and crawled under the covers.
Pema Chödrön – Comfortable with Uncertainty
Obstacles as Questions
Obstacles occur at the outer and inner levels. At the outer level the sense is that something or somebody has harmed us, interfering with the harmony and peace we thought was ours. Some rascal has ruined it all. This particular sense of obstacle occurs in relationships and in many other situations; we feel disappointed, harmed, confused, and attacked in a variety of ways. People have felt this way from the beginning of time.
As for the inner level of obstacle, perhaps nothing ever really attacks us except our own confusion. Perhaps there is no solid obstacle except our own need to protect ourselves from being touched. Maybe the only enemy is that we don’t like the way reality is now and therefore wish it would go away fast. But what we find as practitioners is that nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know. Even if we run a hundred miles an hour to the other side of the continent, we find the very same problem awaiting us when we arrive. It keeps returning with new names, forms, and manifestations until we learn whatever it has to teach us: Where are we separating ourselves from reality? How are we pulling back instead of opening up? How are we closing down instead of allowing ourselves to experience fully whatever we encounter?
Pema Chödrön – Comfortable with Uncertainty
Acceptance
Is the answer to all my problems today.
When I am disturbed it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation, some fact of my life, unacceptable to me.
I can find no serenity until I accept the person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly as it is supposed to be at this moment.
Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God’s world by mistake.
Unless I accept life completely on life’s terms, I cannot be happy.
I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as what needs to be changed in me and my attitudes.
From The Big Book Of Alcoholics Anonymous
Serenity Prayer
God grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot
change, Courage to change the things that I can, And wisdom to
know the difference.
Joy and Sorrow
Then a woman said, Speak to us of Joy and Sorrow.
And he answered:
Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.
And how else can it be?
The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.
Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter’s oven?
And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that
was hollowed with knives?When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.
When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.
Some of you say, “Joy is greater than sorrow,” and others say, “Nay, sorrow is the greater.”
But I say unto you, they are inseparable.
Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.
Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy.
Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced.
When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall.
Kahlil Gibran – from The Prophet
And a woman spoke, saying, Tell us of Pain.
And he said:
Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.
Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain.
And could you keep your heart in wonder at the daily miracles of your life, your pain would not seem less wondrous than your joy;
And you would accept the seasons of your heart, even as you have always accepted the seasons that pass over your fields.
And you would watch with serenity through the winters of your grief.
Much of your pain is self-chosen.
It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self.
Therefore trust the physician, and drink his remedy in silence and tranquility:
For his hand, though heavy and hard, is guided by the tender hand of the Unseen,
And the cup he brings, though it burn your lips, has been fashioned of the clay which the Potter has moistened with His own sacred tears.
Pain
And a woman spoke, saying, Tell us of Pain.
And he said:
Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.
Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain.
And could you keep your heart in wonder at the daily miracles of your life, your pain would not seem less wondrous than your joy;And you would accept the seasons of your heart, even as you have always accepted the seasons that pass over your fields.
And you would watch with serenity through the winters of your grief.
Much of your pain is self-chosen.
It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self.
Therefore trust the physician, and drink his remedy in silence and tranquility:
For his hand, though heavy and hard, is guided by the tender hand of the Unseen,
And the cup he brings, though it burn your lips, has been fashioned of the clay which the Potter has moistened with His own sacred tears.
Kahlil Gibran – from The Prophet
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